by Asha

“Everything looks fine”.
That’s what 4 medical professionals told me before I was diagnosed with Stage 3, grade 3, ER and PR positive, HER2 negative breast cancer.

The 1 cm “bump” that I felt while shaving my underarms (double benefit that day!) was so insignificant and tiny that people could barely feel what I was talking about, but I KNEW. Why? Because I learned to know my body and had started advocating for myself when it came to my health, and thank God I did.

I am married to the most incredible man who I call my Husbandman, and we’ve been married 14 years, this year, and parent 2 of the most insanely wonderful little humans.

This cancer battle has been hardest on them, especially our almost 10-year-old son.

Our bubbly 5-year-old daughter weaves in and out about talks on death, she plays “funeral” just as easily as playing dolls, and it brings tears to this mama’s eyes to see my babies battle through this as well & how this has grown their faith.

Yet, how do you tell your babies that their whole world is being turned upside down?
Or their once energetic mama will be bound to a chair, exhausted in every way for months on end?
Or how do you teach them about the beauty of heaven while also helping them to hold on to hope?
How do you help them grieve and scream and cry, while trying to process it all yourself while having “chemo brain”.
How does your heart not shatter when you see the fear and pain in their eyes?

Here’s how I have—
Cancer has changed the way I hold my babies.
I hold them tighter now.
I look deep into their eyes when I tell them “I love you!”.
I apologize more and chastise less.
I pray every day that they always remember the great moments and not the ones marred because of cancer’s dark presence.

The future seems a bit crazy since after chemo, a bilateral mastectomy, lots of radiation, adopting holistic medicine & treatments, and a ton of clean eating and detoxing, & yet the cancer is still not all gone and continues to spread.

I’m exhausted & frustrated.
I’m blessed and so grateful.
How can I be all four of those?
Because life is a beautiful contradiction.
Because my life is God’s capable hands.
Because I am STILL here to live it,
& so are YOU,
and for that, I am so insanely grateful!
Breathe it ALL in, my dear fellow warriors!
We’re in this together!
Love you all

ABOUT Asha

Bio

Brooklyn

Diagnosis

Breast Cancer

Primary Treatment

Chemotherapy

Primary Cancer Center

Other

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